Tuesday, August 12, 2008

25 Hints You're Not Voting for Obama

Peter Kirsanow

Today's Rasmussen daily tracking poll has 80% of Democrats supporting Obama and 87% of Republicans supporting McCain. There are still a healthy number of undecideds. This conflicts with the stream of media reports that Obamacons, evangelicals, black conservatives and independents are flocking to Obama.

If you're an independent, moderate or conservative on the fence about whether to vote for McCain or Obama, here's a helpful guide:

It's unlikely you'll vote for Obama if you....
1. aren't a news anchor.
2. read the New York Times for pretty much the same reason the NSA monitors radio transmissions.
3. automatically conclude that the person laughing in the car next to you must be listening to Rush. Or maybe Obama off teleprompter.
4. dislocated your shoulder trying to explain Obama's position on Iraq to co-workers.
5. find autobiographies generally more interesting when the author has, you know, done something.
6. remember the Carter Administration.
7. would give a month's pay to play Jack Bauer's partner on 24.
8. increasingly agree with Mark Steyn that "almost everything [Obama] says is, well, nuts."
9. think it's relevant — despite what the sophisticates say — that several of Obama's mentors and associates have displayed a dislike for America or a disdain for Americans.
10. think it's relevant that several of McCain's mentors and associates are American heroes of historic magnitude.
11. think about 9/11 more than once a year.
12. have concluded that Larry the Cable Guy makes way more sense than Howard Dean.
13. feel a little safer during turbulence when your pilot is a calm "white haired dude."
14. thought about Hillary's 3:00 a.m. phone call ad when you first heard about Russian tanks in Georgia.
15. wonder why Obama felt it necessary to give a speech on patriotism.
16. get sorta creeped out by 200,000 Germans chanting "Obama! Obama!"
17. think the jury may still be out on Harvard Law School.
18. suspect "merci beaucoup" is French for "empty suit."
19. doubt that teleprompters are really magical dispensers of good ideas.
20. know in your gut that defiantly withstanding 4 1/2 years of torture trumps all of Obama's qualifications and accomplishments combined — regardless of what the elite pundits say.
21. repeatedly find yourself asking "Change to what?"
22. have ever used the term "pompous twit' in the same sentence with "Marx," "Marcuse," or "Sartre."
23. don't like being told what to do — especially by someone who hasn't done it.
24. really like ticking off the media, Hollywood, academics, and PC busybodies everywhere.
25. weren't born yesterday.

Score (# of descriptions that apply to you):
0— Go ahead, write in Dennis Kucinich
1—3 Obama may be your choice after all
4—5 You think Hillary got a raw deal and won't vote Obama
6—24 McCain's your man
25 It's OK to write in Reagan


Lee said...

OK, now for my third try to get it right...

Oh, if only we could write in Reagan.

It may have come from a cartoon character, but Hank "King of the" Hill was speaking for me when he, referring to Reagan, said "I never got tired of voting for that man."

VoteNovember2008 said...

Oh, I would write in President Reagan before I would cast a ballot for Senator Barack Hussein Obama!

Jim said...

I hope that ya'll do write in Reagan! LOL

Anonymous said...

How about the fact I have a pulse, can think for mysself, and like to keep my money in my wallet, not in theirs.

Anonymous said...

Okay I want the write in vote for Reagan!!!

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I think we would teach our best lesson if we all just wrote in George Clooney and got it over with!

Or how about Barbara Streisand?? Michael Moore? Baba Wawa? It's really not fair since their list is so much longer than ours!


Anonymous said...

Right today I've heard that McCain is leading the race with a good 5% between him and Obama...I think that Obama was never meant to be really elected, after all...but we still miss a great leader such as Ronnie.